The National Sales meeting
It’s 9:10 Tuesday morning, and I’m sitting in a hotel room at Harrison Hot Springs, 150km from Vancouver, Canada, attending another sales training meeting ― an international one. In front of me I have a binder with the name Angela Electronics on it and a USB stick with all the Power Point Presentations. There is also a glass of water, my plastic room key, small note pad and pen advertising the hotel.
The locations of these meetings changes, but the rooms and the carpets remain the same. Last year we met in Las Vegas, and the wife joined me at that Taj Mahal style hotel which had one of those humongous, clean bathrooms and three swimming pools (I used to nip out for a quick swim before lunch). This hotel has only one pool whose temperature is marginal but keeps honeymooners from fawning in the shallow end.
Heinz from Germany has still not arrived and was last heard from at the Saskatoon airport where he was stuck. Mario from Italy left after the first morning, citing pressing business affairs but the salesman from England said it was more a case of “trouble and strife” and Mario’s lady friend..
“If you look at the graph up there, you will see this new product will provide us a step up on the competition.”
Well, at least I can understand the product manager. Yesterday Nick Sopehicherqrich the Software Guru, as we refer to him, mumbled on for 67.23 minutes about an operating system that is the engine behind the new GUI (as he referred to it) and its interoperability with future products. What?! Nick S. is a great chess player who beat three of us last night before dinner.
Luckily, I am sitting next to Ben from Winnipeg who explained to me that GUI stands for Graphical User Interface. Ben spends all his time scrolling down his cell phone and working his notebook computer. How does he ever sell anything?
“Can you all hear me at the back? Would it help if we turned down the lights?”
Well, not if you don’t want us to sleep! The boys from Washington are already nodding off. They probably were drinking most of the night.
I, however, went to bed early and got up for my brisk walk around the golf course. I avoided that dictator who yesterday ordered me off the links because the club doesn’t carry insurance for walkers. What?! I bet he wouldn’t do that to a Sasquatch. I am sure I saw some large footprints near one of the ponds. I’ll outrun his cart if I see him tomorrow.
Now Karen from Montreal is asking a question.
I often think of sales meetings as rather biblical. There are the hints and rumours from the prophets in the company as to when and where it will occur. Everyone hopes it won’t conflict with vacation plans, athletic races or a family commitment. The annunciation happens via an e-mail, and then there is the journey, finding accommodation, getting along with the wise men and arriving home safely without being fired by one of Herod’s vice presidents (the flight out of Egypt).
Yesterday we were greeted by the Vice President of Marketing, J. Paul Spaford.
“I would like to welcome you all to the Angela Electronics sales meeting.” Slight rubbing of hands.
“We have several new exciting products that we are introducing that I am sure you will agree will make a difference to our position in the market place.” More rubbing of hands.
J. Paul Spaford has the voice and body language of a Vice President and craftily sits near Matt Dunway, the Vice President of Sales, since J.Paul Spaford has little idea anymore what the company makes. He does know the prop speed of his boat and the best mooring locations on Harrison Lake.
There was a time before Power Point Presentations when speakers prepared transparencies for weeks and strived to keep them in order when laying them on some noisy projector. The product manager took the Power Point template and stuck in his information which is about all I would do. Nick S. (on the other hand) had animation and sound. It was fun and completely unintelligible.
This afternoon there is going to be a review of our sales figures by the Vice President of Sales ― lots of pie charts, graphs, and clichés such as: We can do better in most areas. We missed some of our goals.
I’ve done well this year because of two large orders from a new company that got some environmental hand out. Not sure that company will be around next year, but I can always find some new companies to do business with. Some of the sales people like to complain about product delivery times, lack of sales leads and the decrease in commissions. I would be the top salesman except for Karen from Montreal. But that is all right because I don’t want too much attention. It is not healthy. I have seen star sales people rise and get shot down when their territory is split or their key accounts are taken away or they’re made regional sales managers. Life expectancy of a good regional sales manager ― nine months, poor regional sales manager ― eighteen months. A company zealously zeros in on a star salesman to reduce his or her income and is always successful.
The room is cold with no windows. Last year in Las Vegas I caught a cold because I wore summer business, casual clothes, and the hotel’s air-conditioning was set too high.
The e-mail annunciation stated “dress business casual,” which means no jeans or designer clothing. Over lunch it is all right to mention you have lululemon shares and adulterous intentions with Amelia who sold you some red, reversible all sport shorts and three sweat bands (red, white and grey). But wearing lululemon athletic attire at a sales meeting is not the thing to do. Most people are wearing our company golf shirts, except Matt Dunway. I think that’s rather like wearing a school uniform
so I resist. I have on a freshly laundered (on expenses) long sleeve, striped shirt with pressed, matching, wrinkle free German pants. Mr. H. Ti from Singapore wears a blue suit and a red, striped tie with a gold tie pin. He sits next to Mr. C. Ti (no relation) from Hong Kong who also wears a blue suit and a dark grey tie but with no tie pin. I suspect Heinz (whenever he appears) will be immaculately attired ― those Europeans like style.
The end of the meeting or “wrap up” is tomorrow at about 4 pm. It will be just like closing night at the opera with all the managers and contributors congratulating each other while we sales people clap madly. Often, J. Paul Spaford singles out an unknown manager standing at the back of the room for having done a great job. Of course, none of us are clear what that job was, but we clap anyway.
Before leaving the room tomorrow, it would be wise to shake hands with J. Paul Spaford and Matt Dunway. While the former might confuse you with the hotel staff, the latter will probably size you up with an eye toward changing your territory. Perhaps for the last day I should wear the company golf shirt.
I hear noises outside and the delightful sound of tinkling cups.
“Well that’s it. Go bring orders. Any questions?”
As I move towards the coffee table a tall man enters, wheeling a suitcase. He is wearing a sports jacket and a blue tie. He gives me his business card.
“Please, my name is Heinz.”
The locations of these meetings changes, but the rooms and the carpets remain the same. Last year we met in Las Vegas, and the wife joined me at that Taj Mahal style hotel which had one of those humongous, clean bathrooms and three swimming pools (I used to nip out for a quick swim before lunch). This hotel has only one pool whose temperature is marginal but keeps honeymooners from fawning in the shallow end.
Heinz from Germany has still not arrived and was last heard from at the Saskatoon airport where he was stuck. Mario from Italy left after the first morning, citing pressing business affairs but the salesman from England said it was more a case of “trouble and strife” and Mario’s lady friend..
“If you look at the graph up there, you will see this new product will provide us a step up on the competition.”
Well, at least I can understand the product manager. Yesterday Nick Sopehicherqrich the Software Guru, as we refer to him, mumbled on for 67.23 minutes about an operating system that is the engine behind the new GUI (as he referred to it) and its interoperability with future products. What?! Nick S. is a great chess player who beat three of us last night before dinner.
Luckily, I am sitting next to Ben from Winnipeg who explained to me that GUI stands for Graphical User Interface. Ben spends all his time scrolling down his cell phone and working his notebook computer. How does he ever sell anything?
“Can you all hear me at the back? Would it help if we turned down the lights?”
Well, not if you don’t want us to sleep! The boys from Washington are already nodding off. They probably were drinking most of the night.
I, however, went to bed early and got up for my brisk walk around the golf course. I avoided that dictator who yesterday ordered me off the links because the club doesn’t carry insurance for walkers. What?! I bet he wouldn’t do that to a Sasquatch. I am sure I saw some large footprints near one of the ponds. I’ll outrun his cart if I see him tomorrow.
Now Karen from Montreal is asking a question.
I often think of sales meetings as rather biblical. There are the hints and rumours from the prophets in the company as to when and where it will occur. Everyone hopes it won’t conflict with vacation plans, athletic races or a family commitment. The annunciation happens via an e-mail, and then there is the journey, finding accommodation, getting along with the wise men and arriving home safely without being fired by one of Herod’s vice presidents (the flight out of Egypt).
Yesterday we were greeted by the Vice President of Marketing, J. Paul Spaford.
“I would like to welcome you all to the Angela Electronics sales meeting.” Slight rubbing of hands.
“We have several new exciting products that we are introducing that I am sure you will agree will make a difference to our position in the market place.” More rubbing of hands.
J. Paul Spaford has the voice and body language of a Vice President and craftily sits near Matt Dunway, the Vice President of Sales, since J.Paul Spaford has little idea anymore what the company makes. He does know the prop speed of his boat and the best mooring locations on Harrison Lake.
There was a time before Power Point Presentations when speakers prepared transparencies for weeks and strived to keep them in order when laying them on some noisy projector. The product manager took the Power Point template and stuck in his information which is about all I would do. Nick S. (on the other hand) had animation and sound. It was fun and completely unintelligible.
This afternoon there is going to be a review of our sales figures by the Vice President of Sales ― lots of pie charts, graphs, and clichés such as: We can do better in most areas. We missed some of our goals.
I’ve done well this year because of two large orders from a new company that got some environmental hand out. Not sure that company will be around next year, but I can always find some new companies to do business with. Some of the sales people like to complain about product delivery times, lack of sales leads and the decrease in commissions. I would be the top salesman except for Karen from Montreal. But that is all right because I don’t want too much attention. It is not healthy. I have seen star sales people rise and get shot down when their territory is split or their key accounts are taken away or they’re made regional sales managers. Life expectancy of a good regional sales manager ― nine months, poor regional sales manager ― eighteen months. A company zealously zeros in on a star salesman to reduce his or her income and is always successful.
The room is cold with no windows. Last year in Las Vegas I caught a cold because I wore summer business, casual clothes, and the hotel’s air-conditioning was set too high.
The e-mail annunciation stated “dress business casual,” which means no jeans or designer clothing. Over lunch it is all right to mention you have lululemon shares and adulterous intentions with Amelia who sold you some red, reversible all sport shorts and three sweat bands (red, white and grey). But wearing lululemon athletic attire at a sales meeting is not the thing to do. Most people are wearing our company golf shirts, except Matt Dunway. I think that’s rather like wearing a school uniform
so I resist. I have on a freshly laundered (on expenses) long sleeve, striped shirt with pressed, matching, wrinkle free German pants. Mr. H. Ti from Singapore wears a blue suit and a red, striped tie with a gold tie pin. He sits next to Mr. C. Ti (no relation) from Hong Kong who also wears a blue suit and a dark grey tie but with no tie pin. I suspect Heinz (whenever he appears) will be immaculately attired ― those Europeans like style.
The end of the meeting or “wrap up” is tomorrow at about 4 pm. It will be just like closing night at the opera with all the managers and contributors congratulating each other while we sales people clap madly. Often, J. Paul Spaford singles out an unknown manager standing at the back of the room for having done a great job. Of course, none of us are clear what that job was, but we clap anyway.
Before leaving the room tomorrow, it would be wise to shake hands with J. Paul Spaford and Matt Dunway. While the former might confuse you with the hotel staff, the latter will probably size you up with an eye toward changing your territory. Perhaps for the last day I should wear the company golf shirt.
I hear noises outside and the delightful sound of tinkling cups.
“Well that’s it. Go bring orders. Any questions?”
As I move towards the coffee table a tall man enters, wheeling a suitcase. He is wearing a sports jacket and a blue tie. He gives me his business card.
“Please, my name is Heinz.”
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